I want to start this off
with an apology. I am sorry. I am sorry that I made myself out to be someone that
I wasn't. Sorry that I lied. I fled from the light when the only thing you
wanted me to be was honest. If I was scared, say it. If I was insecure, say it.
But I hid the truth and all along you were standing there with outstretched
hands waiting to shield me from whatever.
I wish I had the courage
of 10,000 lions, and then I wouldn't be afraid to say that I need you. I wouldn’t
feel guilty to tell you that my knees are nimble and my back is too weak to
hold me up. And if I would have opened my mouth to express myself, you would
have assured me a long time ago that you are holding me up with the strength of
one million Samsons. In your hands you cradle my existence. Your thoughts
toward me are endless like sand. My face is etched in your hands.
I am a little embarrassed
to say that it feels like I am just starting to know you. I presumed all those
years ago that I knew you, but the truth is I just knew of you, and I guess I kind
of confused the two. But I am happy to
be introduced to you, the real you. For the first time I don’t see you as a
rule maker, when it is all about doing the right things, at the right time.
Then I thought I could never make a mistake, never have a misunderstanding. But
now I understand you as a real friend, a being that gives me clearances when I
make mistakes and gives me the hard truth when I need it. I understand you to
be a friend who will teach me the right steps to become a better me. One who
encourages me to look beyond my faults and pushes to see the great inside of
me. Because in essence, this is what you see. You see me as my end, and yet you
are fully aware of my present. And is a relief that you don’t hold my short
comings against me. But it is promised
you’ll complete the work started in me
until the day that Jesus returns.
So my apologies turn into
cries of adoration of how you didn’t leave me where I was. My apologies are
declarations of my gratitude toward you. Thank you for being my savior, king
and redeemer! My apologies are now
heartfelt worship. You’re great and
sovereign. There is on one like you; there is no one before or after
you. My sorrys have turned into thoughts
of not just needing you, but wanting you. As the moon needs the sky and rivers
need the water, I need you just like that. I need you just like that.
So I stand here resolved
no longer saying I am sorry but I thank you. Thank you for allowing me to go
through the transitions of life. Thank you for allowing yourself to be revealed
to me in a greater way. All and all, thank you for loving me this way. Without you my existence is non-existent, and
your presence is what gives me presence. Thank you for allowing me to see my
wrong; thank you for allowing me to walk into what is right. And what is right
is you. The scripture says that the name
of the lord is a strong tower the righteous run in and they are safe, so I
sprint to you. I am not longer ashamed to say that I weak because now I know
that your strength is made perfect in my weakness. So please be my mighty God,
Be my great protector. Be my awesome love.
So I stand here resolved,
not longer saying I am sorry but thank you. Thank you for allowing me to go
through the transitions of life. Thank you for allowing yourself to be revealed
to me in a greater way. All and all thank you for loving me this way.
